Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
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