its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
