I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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