Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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