This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
