Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
