awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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