im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
