the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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