she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
