Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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