he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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