Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
