I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
