I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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