help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
