The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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