he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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