This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
