I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
