How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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