Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
