i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
