My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
