I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
