I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
