I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
