She is in my trunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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