Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can you bring me the toilet please
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
