She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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