wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
