what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
