is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
