Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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