Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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