in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
