Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He passed out mid-signature
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
