I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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