i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
