I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
