I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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