I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
