Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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