I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
