apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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