are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
