I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
