It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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