took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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