dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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