1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
