To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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