was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
