Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
